It has been so long since I have written anything here. I've been going through a period of pulling in and reflection. I actually felt like quite the hermit, but in a good way. I have just had a lot on my mind. I've found myself really contemplating and clarifying my religious views. It has led to some changes and in many ways a more conservative view. I know.. me conservative? I'm the one who always bucked authority, went with the different, refused to conform, etc. And I guess in many ways I am still that way. I'm still refusing to conform.. but now for much different reasons. I'm refusing to conform to our culture. I'm refusing to allow our culture to invade my home. It's something I have been thinking a lot about. I listen to the music out these days and for once I'm astounded. It isn't what I want my kids growing up listening to. I know that I listened to a lot of really bad stuff when I was a teenager, but I also look at how I was as a teenager.. Filled with angst, depressed, rebellious, not sure of my place, and eventually I took the tumble to the bottomless pit of despair. That is not something that I want my kids to experience. I'm not blaming everything on the culture. But I do think that perhaps if I had not been exposed to all that I was exposed to at such an early age, I might not have developed the attitudes that I did. It was not my parent's fault...They were blissfully unaware. I'm just vowing not to be blissfully unaware with my children. I want to know what they are listening to and what they are watching. Take for instance the movie Twilight. I haven't seen it yet. But Kimmie came to me wanting to see it. Instead of taking the "outside" view on it and just letting her watch it, I'm determined to screen it first. In the car we listen to the local Christian station. I guess I'm just ready to make war on the culture that has pushed morality out the window. I'm ready to stand up for my beliefs and values and instill those in my children. I guess in another way that I'm bucking society is that I am quite happy with my role as mother and wife. Sure, I'm all about bettering myself but I'm also finding security in those roles. I know what is expected of me, so I vow to do the best job possible. I'm learning how to be a better housekeeper, how to instruct my children, how to be a support and helpmeet to my husband. I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. I'm not buying into all the feminist jargon that claims that I shouldn't rely on a man, that I shouldn't allow a man to take care of my family and be the head of my household. Because quite honestly, I'm happy that my husband is the leader of our family. It frees me up to worry about the things under my control... the making my house a home, the tending and raising of my children, the pursuing of God's word to become a woman after God's own heart. Yes, I am talking about submission when I speak of letting my husband be leader. But as I have discovered, submission is not a bad word. It is a something I do willingly. Do I struggle with it? YES! Everyday I find myself pushing my husband, being disrespectful, hateful, etc. But now I am aware of it. It's funny though. The days that I just openly support him, show him respect, and take care of my responsibilties, our relationship flourishes. I feel taken care of, protected, and that is a good feeling. Of course, that completely goes against most of the feminist rhetoric out there. But I'm ok with that...because it is my life.

We haven't been able to start on our garden yet. The weather here has been all over the place. Matter of fact we are supposed to get snow tonight and tomorrow. I'm really hoping the freeze doesn't kill what herbs I have that have come up already. I don't understand the weather these days... It's crazy. I look forward to it staying warm at least so that we can get some stuff planted.