Wow, so I found out what was wrong with Will the other day. Turns out, after a night of not sleeping, he has an ear infection. I was wary about putting him on antibiotics but its seems to have gotten worse and not better. So I went ahead and started him on them. I'm hoping that they work. They most definitely did not work with Isabelle, thus the reason we had tubes put in her ears last year. I just hate that he is sick.

On another note, Michael and I did get the chance to watch Fireproof the other night. That movie is wonderful! I cannot recommend it enough, especially for married couples. It was really a life changing movie. After we watched it, Michael pulled me up into his lap and apologized to me for treating me badly. Not that he has treated me badly, the movie just made him believe that he had not treated me as he should have been. On top of that it really made him re-evaluate a lot of things. I can see a lot of changes occurring in him and they are definitely good changes! I can tell you this though, that movie makes you see that the center of your marriage should always be Jesus Christ and God. It makes you see how the love you have for your spouse should be unconditional, just like God's love for us is unconditional. I can't tell you how many times in the past I have made my love conditional. Michael and I went through a difficult period. It's hard not to when you have two babies less than a year apart. So many times, I just about gave up. But God did not give up on us. I don't know. It was just a really touching, wonderful movie and it gives me hope for marriages today. Marriage has become such a thing of convience for so many people. Its so easy to get a divorce when things are not going the way that you want them to. I did it. And while I am very happy with my life now, I do regret that things ended the way they did. I know that I could have worked harder at my first marriage. I know I could have respected him more. I have actually apologized to him for many of my mistakes. I know that God would never have been a part of that marriage though (long story). But that doesn't mean that I couldn't have handled things differently. That's why I am so determined to make my marriage work now. My vows to Michael were more than just a contract, they were a convenant. We are actually talking about renewing our vows in a convenant ceremony. Convenant is for life... not until you are tired of someone. It means working through the tough times. I don't advocate staying with someone if they are abusive, but I do think that too often we bail out because we aren't getting a long. The fact is we rarely look at ourselves and see what it is the WE are doing wrong. We are quick to place the blame on the other person. I've done it. I've done it in my current marriage. But when I sit down and really pray and meditate on it, I can see my faults. I can see what I do wrong. I had to really learn how to respect the man that I am with. I had to learn that submitting (not becoming his slave mind you!) is not a bad thing. Its ok to let the man be head. Its ok to let him protect you and make decisions for you. I'm not helpless. I'm not incapable of standing up for myself. But I understand that God made women and men different for a reason. It's those differences that make us unique, but at some point we have to come together and we have to find our individual roles in a marriage. And sometimes that means letting go of a little of our independence so that we can truly become one. I just think that marriage has become so trivilized and it is entered into so casually. When in reality it should be the most important decision of your life. Because after you make that decision, your marriage to your spouse should become the second most important relationship in your life (the first being your relationship to God).

We went to the Goodwill store today. I had to get me some more warm shirts to wear. While we were there we found a big, huge, plush chair for 16 dollars. It is perfect to go in our living room. We have closed off one part of our house, it was the part that had been added on and it had a bigger living room. The problem is that it was almost impossible to heat without running several heaters and the fireplace. So we shut that part off and are just living in the smaller, older part of the house. We needed some more seating in this living room though. Since it is smaller there really is only enough room for the couch and this chair I just bought. The chair will need to be recovered but I can do that easily. It is perfect for curling up next to the wood burning stove in! It's supposed to get pretty cold next week and may possibly snow... so this will be wonderful! I also found a set of full size sheets for my daughter's bed for 5 dollars. I'm gonna wash them with some bleach of course but you can't beat 5 dollars! I did also find my warm shirts! Of course they are big men's fleece shirts but they are only worn around the house! We don't really go anywhere anyway! I need to get some material to make curtains for the new/old living room. Whatever I can do to make it stay warm! We did get a window kit that allows you to basically shrink wrap your windows to keep the cold out. That should make the wood burning stove even more effective.

Well, I'm off. My mom is going to keep the kids tonight so Michael and I get a night to ourselves. That rarely happens so I'm going to make the most of it!

So today was a rainy, dreary day. The kids were going absolutely stir crazy! On top of being rainy, it starting to get colder. Of course, I'm talking cold for the south which in the greater scheme of things isn't really that cold. Anyway, so on top of the kids being stir crazy, Will obviously does not feel well. He has been whiny and clingy all day. It makes it difficult to get things done, but sometimes you just have to be with your kids and that is perfectly ok. I do like to get them outside as much as possible, but sometimes the weather just does not cooperate. Tonight, we decided to just get them out for a bit. We journeyed to the wonderful (not!) world of Wal-Mart. I HATE Wal-Mart, but it is somewhere we can get them out a bit and just walk around. While there I was happy to find out that Fireproof the movie had been released on DVD. So of course, we splurged and bought it. I have read the book and I absolutely LOVE it. I also have the Love Dare and am slowly working my way though it as well. Anyone who really wants to work on their marriage in a God centered context should either read the book or watch the movie. I am really looking forward to getting the kids down and sitting down to watch the movie tonight with Michael. He isn't a big reader so he only knows what I have told him about it.

On another note, my mother in law got a used sewing machine that she is going to give me. I have a lot to learn in regards to how to use it. I hope to be able to get good enough to make a lot of our clothes and repair those that we already have. I also am really wanting to learn to knit and crochet. I know my mom can teach me to crochet but I'm going to have to find someone to teach me to knit. I really want to be as self sufficient as possible.

Michael is about to take on a big project for me. We have a bunch of spare lumber that my Dad gave us from some job sites that he has been on. I found a bed in Mother Earth News that I have absolutely fallen in love with. It's a built in bed. You use one of your existing walls, then build two walls to kind of box in your bed. It has a bookshelf on the end and drawers on the bottom. I cannot wait until it is done! It will be a great place to just sit and read, think, and sleep. You can completely close yourself in with a curtain that covers that one exposed "wall." We aren't going to have to spend much on it at all since we have all the lumber.

We are also comtemplating getting some chickens this year. I thought it would be nice to be able to have our own eggs. Not to mention I think it would be a great experience for the kids. We are still exploring the idea and seeing if it is economically feasible or not.

Well, I guess that is it for today. I'm really hoping it is at least not raining tomorrow so that we can get the kids outside for a bit.

In the Beginning....

So, I will start at the beginning. For so long, I lived a life defined by society. What I mean by this is I thought that I had to have "stuff" to be successful. It was always important to me to have the newest gadget and the most up to date "things" no matter how much debt it put me into. My success as a person was defined by what other people thought about me. Basically, I measured myself by other people's standards. Throughout this time I felt a deep seated discomfort. I always felt ill at ease and like something was not right. I was always searching... the latest spiritual fad, the latest gadget, the latest pop psychology trend, whatever. I was trying to fill this need inside of me. No matter what I never could. Whatever contentment I found was always short lived. My house, my life, my mind was filled with "stuff" but none of that "stuff" could make me happy. Partially due to me, my first husband and I divorced after 7 years of marriage. I feel this was partly because I was not happy and it was not that I was just not happy with him. I was not happy with myself and I did not know how to fix that. I was moderately successful, according to society. I had a good paying job, a college degree, a house, a new car, an up to date computer, etc. But I was not happy. I was not content.

When I met my current husband, my lifestyle changed dramatically. We moved to a rural area. I quit my job when I became pregnant with our daughter, Isabelle. My husband is a blue collar worker and while he works hard, he never brings in a lot of money. I found myself thrown into a much more simple life. Instead of going out looking for something to do on the weekends, we worked in the yard. We started our own garden. We moved into a much older farm house. And I began to realize that I was really and truly happy. I started to fill a deep contentment rise up in me. Of course, I contribute a lot of that to my new found Christian faith.. But it was more than that. It was getting out of the rat race and learning to really live life. I found that I had more time to think about life, contemplate things, get to know myself, spend time with my children and get to know them, really spend time with my husband, and learn how to rely on my family instead of outside forces. As I have become more aware of what simplfying my life has done, I have wanted to take it further. As I stated above, we live in an older farm house. We do not have central heating and air. At first this bothered me tremendously. I had been brought up with central heating and air! How can one expect to survive humid, southern summers with no AC!?! But then, I thought about the fact that people used to do just that and they lived! I'm not going to say that we don't have window units... We do. But we try not to run them much and we only cool down the areas of the house where we are. For heat, we close off parts of the house and use a woodburning stove, one space heater, and a fireplace. Can I just tell you how wonderful it is to have the whole family gathered together in one room!? And I have discovered that my woodburning stove keeps my house warmer than a lot of houses with central heating and air! We are planning a bigger garden this year. We also plan to frequent the local farmer's market more for what we don't grow. My Christmas presents this year will come out of my herb garden and my vegetable garden. I also plan to learn to knit and sew. We buy used as much as possible. We frequent the local Goodwill, Habitat for Humanity Re-Store, and Thrift Stores. Some of the clothes I get from there are better than those I see in retail stores! And you should see the entertainment unit we got for 15 dollars!! We also frequent yard sales. We plan on visiting more this summer and picking up furniture to refinish... some for us and other to re-sale. We were contemplating on getting rid of cable, but my husband just got a job with Direct TV so we will be getting that for free. Still cuts out one of the bills! We are, however, going to limit how much the TV is on so that we can spend more time as a family. We are going to start re-cycling as much as possible. I will also be making clothes as much as possible to suppliment what we pick up at the Goodwill or Thrift Stores. I'm going to start line drying our clothes to cut down on the use of electricity for the dryer. Currently, we only go out on rare occasions. This is great because now it is a treat instead of something that is expected! We eat at the table every night. My kids love to spend time outside instead of having to go to the mall or the movies. Its an adventure but one that I am truly loving. I am learning so much about myself and my family. We are learning that we don't have to have a lot of money to get by. Instead we just make what we need, that frees us from so much stress.

So I will be posting more about my journey here as time goes by... I'm sure that there will be frustrating moments as well as moments of joy. But the important part is that it will be a journey of self discovery!